Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Someone came in the potted fern
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
