You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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