Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you win again, gameday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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