i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
