Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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