How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
