new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
