is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
