Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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