i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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