I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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