I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
