my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
