don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
