She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
