she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need moral support for this bender
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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