dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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