redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am one with the molecules
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
