they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
