the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
