You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
