we have officially lost it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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