There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
