P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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