We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
