i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
