Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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