My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
