Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
