I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
