I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
