you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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