he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
