It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
