I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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