youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
