No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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