ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
