Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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