now i know why i became what i already was.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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