Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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