Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
