My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
