Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
