HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's never too late to be topless.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
