I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
