is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
