This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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