She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
