Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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