Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
