So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
