cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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