No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
