One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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