You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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