i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
