I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i dont even know how to be here
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
